


You Could Be My Way of Life

by alecsangryface



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU - Mundane, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Road Trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 11:33:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6904198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alecsangryface/pseuds/alecsangryface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>now felt like the last time they could be themselves together; in the morning they would be starting the path to the people who they were meant to become.</p><p>“Let’s run away” Simon murmured into her hair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Could Be My Way of Life

**Author's Note:**

> This has been my baby for the past month. It has grown so much since I first got the idea, which was not nearly as angsty as this. Since this is my first time writing Sizzy if you could leave a comment about what you think of this or if you thing I need to change anything about my characterization, I would really really appreciate it. I hope you love this as much as I do.

They were seventeen and it was August. 

The night air was cool as Simon wandered aimlessly through the streets of New York, cool enough that he wished he had brought a jacket with him, but the sweatpants and t-shirt combination he was wearing was doing well enough to keep the chill from his bones. His feet carried him without direction, or maybe they were, maybe his feet knew where to take him even if his conscious mind did not. He hoped they did. He was doing that a lot lately, hoping. 

The moon was full and bright above him, unobstructed by the dense pollution fog clouds he had long ago come to associate with New York, it guided his feet like it did the tides; a gentle unrepentant force. As he followed where it was taking him, Simon thought. He reflected on his life, his family and friends, but mostly he thought forwards. What next? 

As his feet began to tire Simon stumbled upon a small park. In the moonlight the morning dew that was starting to form glistened on the grass to give it an almost silver glow. Yet it wasn’t as desolate as he would have expected for about half past twelve in the morning. If he looked close, and he did, he could make out a figure sat on a bench across the park, overlooking a lake he hadn’t noticed, with their back to him. Rationally, he knew he should leave and not disturb this person but he couldn’t walk any longer without a break. So he went over. 

As he neared, it was clear to see that the figure was a girl. Neither of them said anything as he sat down, he assumed that she had come here for the same reason as him, to get away. Neither of them spoke for a long time, both just staring into where the water was given its ethereal glow from the stars. As the night dragged on and the cool air was no longer a bother, the girl turned slightly to watch him. He could feel her warm stare and it took every ounce of his willpower to not meet her gaze, her no doubt beautiful gaze. 

“I’m Isabelle” She whispered eventually, so softly and quietly that Simon almost mistook the confession as nothing more than a gust of wind. 

He finally allowed himself to drag his eyes away from the lake to meet hers. He could feel his heart stutter when he did, saying she was beautiful felt like he was doing her a disservice, she was more than beautiful. She was perfection in the most imperfect way. Her soft features weren’t devoid of their blemishes, her eyeliner had run and her lipstick was smudged, but Simon was sure she was the most incredible piece of art he had ever laid his eyes on. She blushed as his staring continued, which struck Simon at how creepy he was being, “I’m Simon” She nodded and turned back to the water, Simon was even more sure that he couldn’t take his eyes of her even if he wanted to. 

“Thank you for being here tonight, Simon” Isabelle said as stood, “I know you didn’t come out here for me, how could you? We don’t know each other, but I didn’t realise how much I needed to not be alone until you showed up” 

Simon hummed, thinking about what could possibly make Isabelle need the company of a stranger, but he was quick to bolt to standing when Isabelle began walking away. She looked amused by him and how his hands were twitching to do _something._

“Next week?” Simon blurted. Isabelle quirked a brow, “Same time next week?”

She looked thoughtful for a minute, staring at one of the entrances to the park then back to him, a secret sort of smile growing on her face, “Okay”

It takes him twenty minutes to find his way home. He hates the moon and his feet for not letting him find the park and _Isabelle_ sooner.

***

The park exists outside of time and reality for them. 

They meet at the same time, half past midnight on Tuesday evening, every week for months. Sometimes it’s like the first time where neither of them speak but draw the strength and warmth they hadn’t realised they had been missing from the presence of the other. Sometimes they talk and talk about everything and nothing until the sun is poking over the horizon.

Isabelle tells him about her brothers, Alec – the oldest, the most fiercely protective, the lover – Jace – the strongest, the funniest, the one with the most to lose – and Max. When she talks about Max, it’s different to when she talks about Alec and Jace, with them she is vibrant and bold, laughing and smiling like nothing makes her happier, but with Max she is still vibrant and bold, but she is sad. Simon doesn’t ask why until he catches her with unshed tears in her eyes. 

_“He passed away three years ago” Isabelle doesn’t look at him, but she shuffles closer than she ever had before. Simon doesn’t think about putting his arm around her shoulders, then his other drawing her closer to his side when he feels her body wrack with soundless sobs._

_“I’m sorry” He whispers into her hair and knows why she was there the first night; she doesn’t need to tell him._

In return Simon tells her about his family, Clary included because she is his sister just as much as Rebecca is. He tells every ridiculous story of them getting stuck in a tree, or them accidently breaking his mother’s favourite vase, just so he can see Isabelle laugh in the unashamed way she does. He shares the few memories he has of his father with her without question, she trusted him to tell her own heartbreak, why wouldn’t he tell her about his? 

On the worst nights they whisper how much they hate the futures set out of them, the doctor and the accountant. Isabelle confesses that she wants to take photographs that inspire people, Simon confesses that he wants to make music people care about. They both confess that they would only pursue their passions as hobbies for fear of disappointing their parents. Tears are always shed by one of them but it isn’t mentioned, and they are both grateful. 

Two months and two weeks into their routine they exchange phone numbers, with the promise to always be a text away if the other needed them. With that promise came the more frequent meetings. They didn’t always meet on a Tuesday, but it was always at half past midnight; that much they wouldn’t change. 

By the third month they start bringing blankets to keep the cold away, both huddled under them with their sides pressed together and Isabelle’s cold nose poking Simon’s neck as they talk. Isabelle is _warmth_ and Simon quietly finds it funny that her nose always gets cold and a little bit red. Isabelle is _warmth_ and Simon finds himself craving it even during the warm days when she isn’t around.

By the fourth month Simon brings snacks and Isabelle brings stories. Simon eats Cheetos and occasionally feeds Isabelle some as she tells stories that she’s making up as she goes along. Sometimes they’re about people falling in love against all odds, sometimes they’re about people not falling in love when all the odds are with them, and sometimes they’re about dragons or trees or any manner of being that Isabelle can bring to life with just her voice. She spins tale after tale until they both leave for the night, but only after they’ve talked for so long that both of them are almost asleep.

_Simon doesn’t really know what is happening in this tale, just that a boy and his best friend are going to bring down the corrupt political system so they can save the towns water supply, it’s a little bit ridiculous and doesn’t really make sense but Isabelle’s voice washed over him like a soothing wave and lulled him to a state of peace._

_Isabelle had her legs folded half under her and half across Simon’s lap. One of his arms was around her shoulders and his head was resting on the top of hers. She looked so small like this, but she was the largest person he had ever met. Simon took a deep breath and closed his eyes, hoping that it was true that the brain saved the last frame it saw because this was serenity and happiness. Perfection._

_With Isabelle’s voice a gentle caress on his ears and the view firmly ingrained into his long term memory, he thinks ‘I never want to leave’_

By the fifth month, Simon was sure he had never felt the way he did before. 

***

They meet once during the day. It isn’t planned. 

Isabelle and Magnus had been bored of doing nothing all day, had been bored of listening to Jace complain about Alec never doing anything with him anymore and very bored of Alec trying to defend himself with the poor excuse of being a law student. They had dragged the two shopping with them as caddies, which resolved the problem of them arguing but not the problem of them complaining. They ended up in the coffee shop as a way to end the day.

Simon and Clary had gone to the same café because they had done for years and it was Clary’s favourite place to study. They were in their usual seats, with their usual drinks and their usual tasks at hand; Simon writing lyrics on a half used napkin and Clary drawing Simon writing lyrics on a half used napkin. 

Neither of them noticed the other, and they may not have at all if it weren’t for a twist in fate that caused a waiter to trip over an outstretched chair, spilling a half drained coffee mug to the floor. Simon had to walk a different route to the bathroom to avoid stepping in the mess that had been made, said route took him past Isabelle’s table, and the child that bumped into him sent him stumbling into Isabelle.

“I’m sorry! Sorry! That kid bumped- Isabelle?” Simon broke himself off when he finally recognised who he had landed on. It was easy to ignore two other glares and the amused half smile of the tables other occupants when Isabelle was looking at him like she was.

“Hi Simon” Her eyes were soft with fondness.

“Who’s this?” The blonde one asked, only a hint of distain colouring his voice, forcing Simon to look away from Isabelle. The blonde one. Jace. 

“His name is Simon” Isabelle sighed, “If you were listening to me, you would have heard me call him it not even ten seconds ago” the glittery man sat next to her tried to cover up his snort with a well-timed cough. Simon shuffled on his feet for a few seconds, he wanted to say something but he also thought he might be imposing. 

“So how do you know each other?” The other man asked, he had his hand on the glittery man’s knee and he had the same otherworldly look to his hazel eyes as Izzy, so Simon assumed it was Alec, making glittery man Magnus. He could see what Izzy meant when she spoke about the two of them being like magnets. 

Simon floundered, his eyes widening slightly in panic as they met Isabelle’s, were they going to tell the truth? He couldn’t imagine, from what he knew about them at least, her brothers would be too happy about her sneaking out in the middle of the night to talk to someone that might as well be a stranger. Isabelle gave him an easy, secret sort of smile that made Simon’s heart stutter over a few beats. “We met at Forbidden Planet” She said. Forbidden Planet was a comic book store that was practically Simon’s second home, he didn’t know she knew about it. 

“I recommended that she read The Wicked and The Devine” Simon interjected because he did think Isabelle would enjoy that particular comic. She laughed and nodded. 

“So now you know who’s responsible for my obsession” She said over Alec and Jace’s groans. Simon mentally patted himself on the back for his good guess.

“Well it was nice to meet you guys, but I can’t leave my friend much longer” Simon gestured over his shoulder to where Clary was still engrossed in her drawing. They all waved him off as he continued on his road to the bathroom.

Over his shoulder he heard Magnus say: “He’s cute, not as cute as you Alexander you know that. Izzy you should ask him out” and Isabelle reply: “I know”. When they make eye contact as Simon returns to his own table, they both know he heard. 

They don’t mention it.

***

 

They changed the summer they both turned eighteen. 

“Will we stay in contact Simon?” Izzy whispered during their parting hug one particularly humid morning. The moisture in the air caused Izzy’s hair to frizz and escape the careful bun it had been tied in, and still Simon thought she was perfect. Perfect in the way she looked. Perfect in the way she was. “When we go to college? We’ll still talk, right?” Her voice was hopeful and begging. Simon hoped just as much as she did, how could they lose whatever it was they had and still survive?

“As long as I am able, I will _always_ talk to you” Simon whispered, it sounds stupid and clumsy to his own ears, and it would never come close to expressing what he felt about Isabelle but he had to say something. He couldn’t bear to see Isabelle looking as sad as she did. 

It was almost terrifying how he had come to depend upon Isabelle’s happiness. How he was so desperately seeking out the smile he hoped she reserved for him, and if the one meeting he had with her brothers he was sure the way she smiled at him was different to the way she smiled at them. He didn’t want to read into it too much, Isabelle already had too much power over him, he couldn’t let her have any more. He would not survive if she had any more.

Isabelle quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his neck. “I didn’t think I would get so attached to you Simon. But I’m not sorry about it”

Simon hugged her back, breathing in the smell of her vanilla scented shampoo, “I’m not sorry either” 

They spent longer than they normally did in the hug. They had weeks left until they both left for college, Simon only a few miles to Brooklyn and Izzy across the country to UCLA, but now felt like the last time they could be themselves together; in the morning they would be starting the path to the people who they were meant to become.

“Let’s run away” Simon murmured into her hair. She ripped away from him in shock but she didn’t leave his arms. Simon had never seen her like this before, uncontrolled and wild in her expressions. He could feel his lips twitch, first the left side then the right until it had turned into a smile. 

“Not for long, a couple weeks” He tucked a fly away strand behind her ear, again trying not to read too much into the way her eyelashes fluttered when his thumb delicately brushed her ear, “Just me and you on the road, we could go wherever you want” 

Isabelle didn’t even hesitate to say: “yes” They started running, hands held loosely between them, their excited laughter pinging off the dewy sidewalk.

***

They go to Simon’s house first, _‘because we can’t just leave Simon, we have to have clothes and money if we want to be able to do anything’_. So they both scale the side of Simon’s house, a conveniently placed trellis under his window and into his bedroom. Isabelle laughs when she sees his room because there would be no mistaking it for anyone else’s. There were several stacks of comics, meticulously organised on the floor next to a messy desk littered with scraps of paper, used napkins and open journals all housing song lyrics. 

Simon doesn’t wait for her to stop looking before he was digging through his drawers, “What does one wear when one is running away?” 

“Anything you’re comfortable in” Isabelle replied as she settled herself on the edge of his bed. 

Simon nodded as if he understood, though he was sure she didn’t mean for him to pack three different pairs of pyjamas, so he settled for shoving a couple of sets of jeans and t-shirts into a duffle bag. Izzy tutted, refolded and replaced them as Simon dug out enough underwear to last him three weeks. 

“We really doing this?” He said once the duffle was zipped up and he had his keys to the van in hand. 

Isabelle nodded with a slowly growing excited smile, “We’re really doing this”

Isabelle climbed out the window first, catching Simon’s bag with ease when he tossed it out after her as soon as she reached stable ground. Then he threw out a pillow and some rolled up blankets, they didn’t know what they would need. He followed her but only after raiding his stash of money from doing odd jobs for the neighbours over the years and snatching up his guitar to sling it across his shoulders. They didn’t wait when Simon reached the floor, he swept up his duffle and led Izzy to his van.

She snorted audibly. Simon pretended to be offended, but Isabelle saw right though it and continued to laugh, loud, unapologetic and probably disturbing the sleep of everyone on the street. How could Simon not join in when she laughed like that? He opened the back doors first. When he had first got the van it had four seats in the back and little room for anything else. So he and Maureen, wanting to have some way to transport their equipment to gigs, had spent a few weeks the summer before taking the seats out and lining the floor so it didn’t have any dips or holes in it. 

He dropped his duffle on the floor next to the van and set his guitar gently down next to it before silently motioning to Izzy to give him the thickest blanket. She did with her head tilted to the side as she tried to figure out what he was doing. Simon smiled as the blanket fit the floor of the van perfectly if he folded it in two. The pillow was propped up slightly against the bench of the front seats. “Makeshift bed if we need it” Simon said as he crawled back out to survey his handy work. 

“I think it might just work” Isabelle nodded decisively. She threw the remaining blanket so it was pooled next to the pillow and turned to watch Simon as he tossed his duffle into the corner next to his pillow and set his guitar gently against one of the walls and closed the doors with a firm slam. 

“We’ll need to revaluate what room we have though” Isabelle told him as they climbed into the front seats, Simon into the driver’s side and Izzy into the passenger seat. 

“You don’t mind that we’ll sleep back there? We can always get motels” Simon said turning the key in the ignition and check his mirrors, “where to?”

“Sixty Second Street” Isabelle replied, “I don’t mind actually and we can’t spend all our money on motels. Besides who hasn’t wanted to sleep in the back of a van in a makeshift bed?”

Simon smiled in agreement. Conversation didn’t follow in their short ride to Isabelle’s house. They were both too caught up in their own thoughts about what they were doing to try to speak. It was okay though, somehow without saying anything, both of them knew. 

“Woah” Simon whispered, “Your house is massive”

Isabelle rolled her eyes and got out the van without saying anything. Once Simon was out as well she motioned for him to follow her, finger placed to her lips to tell him should be quiet as well. The key to the front door was hidden under a large heavy looking plant pot that Izzy had no trouble moving at all. She quickly led Simon through her house, pointing out squeaky floor boards as they went to her room where she pushed him in and immediately started raiding her closet.

“Get that bag will you?” She pointed to a bag that was hanging on the edge of a changing screen. The bra that was slung over it made him blush too. 

Izzy was all kinetic energy as she moved about the room. First underwear, rolling her eyes at Simon’s blush, then a pair of jeans and shorts, some dresses and different shirts. By the time her bag was full she had amassed a collection almost twice the size of Simon’s. He didn’t say anything though. 

“Can you carry that while I get my camera and blankets?” She whispered, already rooting through a desk draw assuming that Simon was going to say yes anyway. He did. Izzy got that same slowly excited smile on her face when she finally got the stuff she needed, Simon returned it with ease. She pushed him out of the room.

“Isabelle?” They both froze. Magnus had just stepped out of Alec’s room in silk pyjamas and still managing to look flawless. His eyes locked in on the bag and blankets in their hands. “Nice to see you again, Shaun. You two running away?”

“For a couple of weeks. Don’t tell Alec” Izzy pleaded. 

Magnus must have seen something in Izzy’s face that Simon could not because he visibly softened. He strode purposefully forward and wrapped his arms around Isabelle’s shoulders. She dropped what she was holding to return the hug fiercely.

“I’ll tell him in the morning when you’re gone” He whispered, making eye contact with Simon that clearly said ‘keep her safe’, “You call me whenever okay? I don’t care what it is, if you need anything and can’t bear to deal with your brother’s overprotectiveness I am a phone call away”

Isabelle pulled back, a sad sort of smile marring her features “Break it to him gently”

Magnus smirked as if he didn’t know he was keeping the worlds worst kept secret and said: “I have my ways”

***

They plan to go to Niagara Falls first. 

Simon texted Clary as soon as they got in the van, pleading for her to cover for him and not to worry about where he was. She texted back immediately, telling him to be safe and to call his mother whenever he could because Clary could cover for him, but there was no way she would be able to stop her from worrying. He had never been so grateful for Clary’s unwavering and unquestioning loyalty as he was then. 

He drove almost three hours out of Brooklyn and parks on a side road so they can both get some sleep, both of them were too tired to barely manage keeping their eyes open. Their adventure would begin in earnest when there was finally some sun lighting their way instead of headlights. 

“Look at the stars Simon” Isabelle whispered. Her head was fully tipped back to look at the stars, a toothbrush in one hand and a bottle of water in the other, their makeshift sink.

“It’s beautiful” Simon couldn’t bring himself to look away from her, the stars might well have been beautiful, he would never know. 

Isabelle turned to face him, pausing for only a micro-second when she noticed that Simon was still looking at her, the smile on her face never diminishing. She tossed the bottle of water at him so it naturally tumbled into the grass at his feet. 

Simon changed places with her, him knee deep in long grass and brushing his teeth, her sat on the edge of their bed cross legged and tinkering with her camera. Simon hears the shutter go off rather than see it, he turns to see Izzy waving a Polaroid around smirking at him. 

“Are you taking pictures of me?” She nodded, “How attractive do I make the act of teeth brushing look?” 

“Very” She laughed, “I want to remember everything”

***

Isabelle woke the next day, seemingly late morning or early afternoon, to an arm wrapped around her waist and a crick in her neck. She only had the one pillow and her neck wasn’t used to it, it would get used to it though. Simon’s breath was warm against her skin and the sun poking through the front window wouldn’t reach their eyes with the way they’re laid as the seats blocked most of it. She contemplated going back to sleep, but the flashing message from Magnus on her phone screen keeps her awake. 

_Magpie: Alec knows. He was a little mad, but he understands. Just stay safe please._

Isabelle sighed and sat up, jostling Simon enough to rouse him as she did. Reading the message only once more, with few feelings of regret, she turned off her phone. Just her and Simon they had said, just her and Simon it was going to be. 

“Morning” Simon stretched and rubbed his eyes, “I’m hungry. We should find somewhere to eat before we hit up Niagara”

They end up in a tiny diner that looked like it belonged in the fifties. They both have a burger and fries, and they share a large milkshake. As far as first dates go, Isabelle thought it was the best one she’d ever had, but then again she wasn’t sure if it even was a first date. Could it be classed as a date if neither party had said it was a date? She wasn’t sure.

***

Niagara Falls is beautiful but underwhelming. Isabelle wasn’t overly keen on the smell and she was much more interested in the man stood next to her. Simon had one had on the protective railing and the other was kept limply at his side, her hand was almost touching his, so close that she could feel how cold his skin was. His eyes were transfixed on the crashing water below them and was whispering to himself, no doubt song lyrics that he would scramble to write down as soon as he found somewhere to. She wished she had remembered to bring her camera with her.

Simon still wasn’t looking at her when he reached out to lace their fingers together. Isabelle had been too busy trying to memorise every line of Simon’s face to notice, she flinched slightly. Simon immediately pulled his hand away, Isabelle didn’t let him. They both blushed a light red, trying to fight their smiles. 

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Simon asked.

“Yeah” She whispered, her eyes not once leaving their hands. She had a slightly darker skin tone than him, most likely due to the amount of time Simon spent trying to avoid the sun with video games. The thought makes her smile.

Isabelle eventually tore her gaze away from their hands, smiling as she did. Her breath caught when her eyes almost immediately locked onto Simon’s. She felt like the world was shifting on its axis, like the sun had eclipsed the moon, like the whole world had frozen and they were the only ones in motion. 

They both moved into the kiss. 

Kissing Simon was like hot chocolate on a cold evening with his warm lips on hers. Kissing Simon was like she was listening to all her favourite music at once, the falls and crescendos mirroring their every breath. Kissing Simon was the warmth she had been longing for since the first night they met in the hand that brushed through her hair. 

She laughed against his lips as they broke away. 

“So that happened” Simon said. 

Isabelle hummed, “Do you want it to happen again?”

“God yes” Simon surged forward. 

Their lips met briefly, but both of them were smiling too much for it to be a real kiss, more like a clanging of teeth and an exchange of breath, trying to get closer. Isabelle laughed like she hadn’t in a long time, Simon smiled like he hadn’t in a long time.

“Excuse me?” They broke away laughing to look for the source of the voice that interrupted them. 

A girl no older than their own age was stood a little way away from them, clutching at her camera and some Polaroid’s. She took a step closer and outstretched her hand with the photographs in, “I’m supposed to be taking pictures for an art project, but there’s something magnetic about you two and well I guess yeah”

Isabelle regretfully untangled her hand from Simon’s and took the outstretched pictures. The first was of their kiss. She was shocked at how simple it looked, they looked just like any other couple kissing in front of the waterfall – they had been there barely an hour and had already seen their fair share of public displays of affection – but _feeling_ the kiss was totally different. This picture made it look mundane when it was anything but. She was grateful for it, glancing at Simon, she knew he felt the same way; their own little secret. The second was of the second kiss, if it could be classified as a kiss. This was them at their happiest, this was them finally acting on almost two years’ worth of feelings, and this was how they would be immortalised.

“You can have them” The girl said, shifting nervously on her feet “Take it as an apology for not asking to take pictures of you, I mean it would have completely ruined the feel of the pictures, but I wouldn’t not feel terrible and you wouldn’t think I’m weird, I’m not weird I promise, it’s just you two look really good together and that’s probably a bit strange to say and I’m sorry just take the pictures please”

“Don’t you want them for your project?” Simon asked, taking the already fingerprint stained polaroid of their smiling press of faces.

“Nah, I was supposed to be taking pictures of the waterfall” The girl smiled again and did a strange interpretation of a curtsy, “Have a nice day” She scampered off before either Isabelle or Simon could reply.

***

After Niagara comes Yellowstone. After Yellowstone comes the Grand Canyon. After the Grand Canyon comes the unbearable feeling that they were running out of time. It had taken them a week and a half to visit the three places, taking back roads and staying in small towns that felt desolate after growing up in New York. 

_They were sat in another dinner, sharing a ham and pineapple pizza – though Isabelle detested pineapple on pizza so she was picking the small chunks off and putting them on Simon’s slices, she could have argued about what they got but Simon had asked and she couldn’t bear to deny him anything when they both knew that they would be separating soon – and they were the only ones apart from the staff in the building. Every brush of their hands sparked electricity through their skin and sent their stomachs tumbling._

_Once they had paid and left, the two decided to walk around the town before retiring to the van for the night. They walked with their hands tightly held together and knocking into each other as they walked. Izzy had taken off her shoes and Simon had tied his jacket around his waist, they were the picture of a summer night. They didn’t meet anyone as they walked, their giggles only serving to get an old man leaning out of his window to tell them to be quiet, it was so different to New York._

_“We should stay here” Isabelle said wistfully and only half seriously, she knew if they stayed here they would never be happy because they would be disappointing their parents, and disappointing themselves for throwing all the hard work they had done over the past seven years._

_“What about after college? We could come back” Simon replied._

_Isabelle looked at the side of his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking; a difficult task when he wouldn’t even look at her. She sighed and rested the side of her head on his shoulder, “You know we can’t”_

_“I know” Simon stopped and turned them both so they were looking at each other “I guess we can only make half empty promises about it. I don’t know what we are and to be honest with you I don’t really care, I just want to be able to talk to you”_

_Isabelle couldn’t reply. They were going to be on opposite sides of the country, how could she promise to keep some of her life in New York when she would be in California?_

***

After another week and a half, Isabelle turns her phone back on. She gets so many texts and missed calls that she can’t even begin to attempt to read them all for ten minutes. There were so many from Alec asking her to tell him she’s safe and from Magnus telling her that he will deal with Alec. The ones from Jace make her smile, they tell her everything she’s missing out on and apparently seeing Alec learning to loosen up a bit because of Magnus was something no one should miss.

The texts, no matter how much they make her smile, leave her with an ache in her chest. It was the first time in three weeks where she had truly missed her family. The gentle rhythm of Simon tapping out the song that was playing scratchily over the radio was something she was going to miss too, and she would always have her family, she might not have Simon for much longer. 

Isabelle took the opportunity to look at all the polaroid’s they had stuck to the side of the van, their trip in beautiful significant snapshots. It told their story from the first photograph of Simon knee deep in grass, illuminated by the moon and the stars, to the most recent photograph of the two of them singing in the street that a tourist had taken for them. Her eyes were always drawn back to the one of their kiss, their first one full of emotion. They had shared many since and the wall showed it. A picture of them kissing out of focus because Simon had dropped the camera at the last moment, a picture of Isabelle kissing Simon on the cheek when he was laughing at someone falling off their skateboard.

“We should go home shouldn’t we?” She whispered sadly. 

Simon’s fingers stilled and his jaw clenched slightly. He looked at her from the corner of his eyes but otherwise didn’t say anything, just let her think about what she wanted from them at that moment in time. She truthfully did not know. She wanted to stay with Simon and she wanted to be with her family. She was selfish enough to want to have both. 

“Do you want that? We could stay on the road for another week longer” Simon replied after a time of them both staring stonily out of the front window. 

“I think I want to go home Simon. I’m not going to be able to see my family until Christmas, this is my last chance with them.” She replied. They had three weeks together, three beautiful, incredible weeks together, three weeks that Isabelle would not soon forget. She needed her family now.

“Can we have one last night?” Simon asked. He turned on an indicator so he could make a U-turn. They were a few hours away from home, having already unknowingly drifted back. 

Isabelle joined their hands together on the console, “I wouldn’t ask for any less”

***  
They find their way to a parking lot that looks mostly abandoned so they can change into clothes that weren’t sweat soaked in patches, having already decided that they would spend their last night together having dinner in a restaurant that was nice but they could still wear jeans in. Simon had rung somewhere for last minute reservations as Izzy reapplied some makeup in the vans side mirrors.

The restaurant was nice, nice enough that if Izzy had been taken there on any other date she would have sold her soul to get another date with the person, but the night was tinged with a sadness like no other, the looming shadow of their separation hung over their table and conversation always found its way back to its cold clutches.

Izzy waited in the van while Simon went to get them a room, the motel was nothing to shout about, it was old and tired, but it would provide them with a bed big enough for the both of them and they could shower properly for the first time in a few days. Despite knowing that he was coming back, Izzy worried that she would never see Simon again, it was probably because she wasn’t sure if this night would be their last night seeing each other. 

Her breathing went back to normal when Simon opened her door for her and offered her a hand out. She took it and didn’t let go until they were dropping their bags on the floor of their room, their drab room. Expecting a five-star hotel room would have been foolish, but Isabelle had definitely been expecting more than what they got. There was a bed and a chair, a tv stood dusty and old on top of a chest of drawers, nothing stood out and yet collectively it was all horrible. 

“It was all they had left” Simon said upon noticing her disgust. He let go of her hand and walked over to the bed, heavily dropping himself to it. “It’s only for a night and anyway, the shower definitely works so I’m not bothered about the rest of it. As long as I’m with you I will never complain about where I am”

Isabelle smiled at his words, shaking her head at herself for thinking they were the most beautiful music. “Let me use the shower first?” She said instead of pouring her heart out like a part of her wanted to. Simon gave her a funny look, a look that she was sure meant he had her figured out, but he just nodded and waved over to the bathroom door that was already slightly ajar, then made himself more comfortable on the bed by kicking his shoes off and folding his hands behind his head. 

She showered quickly, oh how she would have loved a longer one but Simon would want one too and it was getting late and the hot water was running out. Seeing herself free of makeup in the dirty mirror, Izzy was suddenly confronted with a feeling of inadequacy, rationally she knew Simon had seen her looking a lot worse than she did now, but something about the way the night had gone made her scared of what he could see. She had shown too much of herself and now she didn’t know if the exposed nerves could ever be covered up again. Rolling her shoulders, straightening her back and steadying her breathing, she walked back into the main room. 

Simon was still laid on the bed, the tv now playing a Maury re-run that he wasn’t watching, and apparently dosing off. She watched him like she had been unable to do in the van and too wary to do so in other motels, it was their last night together she was done hiding. Simon perked up at her appearance in the doorway, all traces of sleep leaving his eyes when they met hers.

“There might not be much hot water left, I didn’t realise how dirty my hair was” she said quietly, playing with the hem of the towel on her arm, her hair was still damp and wetting the back of her dress, but she preferred to dry it naturally. Simon silently held his hand out for the towel, they had gotten used to doubling up on using them since it was much easier and quicker to wash and dry one towel rather than two. She tossed it over, a move vaguely reminiscent of the water bottle she had thrown him on their first night, this time he didn’t drop it. 

“I’ll be quick” As he passed her he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and squeezed her wrist. The door to the bathroom locked quietly behind him. 

Izzy didn’t feel like she had been left alone, the quiet buzz of the tv kept the suffocating silence from the room and soon Simon had started singing over it. She turned the tv off to listen to him. He was singing into the wild, a song he had first sung for her when they sat on a cliff overlooking a cliff on their way to the Grand Canyon. 

 

_“There’s a beautiful storm in your eyes” Simon sung, not looking at her but instead out at the vast expanse of flora and fauna in front of them. Isabelle leant her head on his shoulder, a position that was no doubt uncomfortable while he was trying to play the guitar, and she could see a deer skipping through the shrubbery._

_“It’s quite alright, you could be my way of life” He finished with a gentle strum. The noise hung in the air while the two of them remained silent. Simon eventually settled the guitar on the floor next to him so he could hold one of Izzy’s hands in his, tracing the lines of her palm while he did._

_“You could be my way of life” Izzy had sung quietly, barely above a whisper, but enough that Simon had heard her, his hands freezing in their motions._

_He turned down to meet her eyes where they had been trained on his jawline. His hands reached up to frame her face, their cold touch making her shiver, and he kissed her so sweetly it left her breathless._

_It wasn’t the last time they had sung together._

Simon making enough noise for an army forced her out of her memories and made her scramble through putting the shirt on she had half over her head. She pulled her shorts up just as Simon stepped through the bathroom door, roughly towelling his hair in only plaid pyjama pants. 

They both settled into bed in silence, somehow knowing that was where they needed to be and knowing that neither of them wanted background noise for when they inevitably started talking. Simon was the first to break the silence, he had always hated the deafening feeling of silence the most. 

“I know we never labelled this and I don’t know how you’re going to be after, but promise me you won’t let whatever this is keep you in New York” He whispered. They laid so close together that she could feel his minty fresh breath on her cheeks and the hand she had on his chest tingled with each fluttering heartbeat it felt. “I want you to go to California and do everything a first year college student should do. Give yourself over mind, body and soul to the experience”

“I will. You have to promise to do the same” She replied. 

“I will” He said. 

Isabelle moved the hand on his chest to his neck, stroking the stubble on his chin with her thumb, it was easy to pull him towards her, easy to kiss him like she had been doing, but even easier to let his hands roam her body like he had yet to do. She gasped into his mouth when one of his hands brushed over her hip, moving her shorts enough to expose her vibrant red underwear.

Their kiss only broke long enough for them to draw in shuddered breaths. Izzy needed to be closer to him, needed to feel their chests together, feel their heartbeats in a perfectly synched rhythm. Her need to be closer rolled them over so she was straddling Simon’s thighs. Her hands grasped the side of his face, her fingers buried themselves into his hair as his hands found their way over her bum and under her shirt. The cold skin on her warm back was jarring but not enough that she let go.

Their motions never stopped until they were perfectly intertwined and even beyond, rocking gently and forcefully against each other, this level of closeness being what they had been missing. Hands were everywhere and yet nowhere, both needed more and getting less. Their breathing hitched and gasps turned into moans, everything coming together in one glorious crescendo of pleasure. 

They fall asleep soon after, only the briefest of caresses exchanged in the aftermath, their moments of togetherness firmly ingrained into their memory but their minds already on what would start the morning after. 

***

“Remember what we said?” Simon whispered.

They were stood at the back of the van, all of Isabelle’s things stacked into small piles on the edge of the bed, the walls were bare of their photo’s which were safely tucked away in a side pocket of Izzy’s bag except for the one photo Simon had of Isabelle sitting on a cliff edge watching the sunset. Simon had a gentle hold on Isabelle’s chin with his thumb and forefinger, and used it to guide their foreheads together. 

“It’s not me I’m worried about forgetting it” She laughed sadly. “Do you remember what we said” She used their closeness as an excuse to twist her hands into the open plaid shirt he was using in lieu of a jacket, and pull their bodies closer together.

“I remember”

“Kiss me one last time?” Izzy begged. If they had nothing after this at least her last memory of them would be a good one. This kiss was more than she could have asked for, something that made her knees weak and her heart stutter over a few beats, something so utterly unforgettable.

Simon let her go with a chuckle, pointing over her shoulder where Jace and Alec were glaring at him from the porch. “I should go, those two could definitely kill me if they wanted to” He helped her gather up her things without so much as uttering a syllable. Isabelle watched him silently, all while fighting the urge to tell him that she loved him in an effort to make him stay; it wouldn’t be fair, to him or to her. 

They stood staring at each other, both wanting to speak, neither having the right words to express themselves. Simon opened his mouth to say something and seemed to think better of it when it snapped shut and he ducked his head with a blush.

“Thank you for these last few weeks” He eventually settled on. 

“And thank you. I’ve loved every minute” Isabelle replied. 

Her brother appeared behind her to take her things and smother her in welcome home hugs. Noticing that his company was no longer needed, Simon edged his way towards the vans backdoors to slam them shut and break the Lightwood’s momentary happiness so Isabelle could say goodbye. She did so in the only way she could, by throwing her arms around him and whispering “I will never see things just the same”

“But I’m not afraid” he whispered back then released her. 

He nodded once at her brothers, the tears in his eyes stoutly refusing to spill over and forcing a lump to rise in the back of Isabelle’s throat. He didn’t say anything again before he jumped into the driver’s seat of the van and started the engine. Alec gently dropped an arm around her shoulders to guide her to the house, somehow knowing that she needed support now more than anything. 

Izzy couldn’t help the glance back to where Simon was driving off, she caught his final wave out of the window like a bullet to the chest. She was grateful that Alec and Jace were herding her along or else she would have collapsed in the middle of the street with tears in her eyes, begging for the universe to let her have Simon back. 

***

Isabelle was waiting anxiously on their bench, this time in the middle of the day, among screaming children and underneath a blazing summer sun. It had been a whole year since they shared their last night together in a motel. She was both nervous and excited to see Simon, she hoped he had not changed without her there to see it, she hoped he would still be the same Simon that she was sure she was in love with, she hoped he would come. 

Over the year Isabelle had kept her promise to date and to try new things. For a while there had been a boy called Meliorn that made her insides quiver whenever he kissed her and then there had been Lydia who was in every way her opposite but the challenge was appreciated. Yet even though she had incredible experiences with both of them, nothing stopped her from comparing them to Simon. Meliorn’s skin was darker than hers, just as smooth and cared for as hers, but it wasn’t the harsh pale calloused fingertips of Simon grazing the inside of her thighs. Lydia’s supple breasts under her hands was not the same as her fingernails finding purchase in Simon’s deceptively hard chest. She could have loved Meliorn, she could have loved Lydia, but she already loved Simon.

“Hey Iz” She jumped almost out of her skin as Simon slid onto the bench next to her. 

Simon hadn’t changed much to Izzy. He still had the same wiry frame and dorky glasses perched precariously on his nose. He still radiated a cool air that made her skin tingle when their hands drifted closer on the bench between them. But there was something unmistakably different about him, something that she hadn’t been expecting. Yet it was not unwelcome, in the same way that finding out a class had been cancelled wasn’t unwelcome. Exciting but a change you weren’t prepared for. 

“Hey Simon” Though she had been thinking about this meeting since the last time they had seen each other Izzy had forgotten what it was she could have said. 

They had managed to talk every day for two months when they moved, a valiant effort, but life soon got in the way. Isabelle had been buried under textbooks and labs from the very moment she had started classes. Simon, she knew, had been struggling to keep on top of both his personal life and his college classes. They both tried their hardest and still they drifted apart, but like an elastic band then found their way back. 

“Is it stupid to say I missed you?” Simon asked quietly. He was resolutely staring straight ahead, ignoring Isabelle trying to catch his eye as her eyes bored into the side of his face until she pressed a gentle hand to his cheek and turned his face to look at her.

She searched Simon’s face, seeing the man she had fallen in love with and the man she couldn’t stop thinking about, she saw the man he was growing to be a felt her heart skip a beat when he smiled the same smile that he had saved for her. “I missed you too”

“Izzy, I-” Simon shook his head, reaching his hand to lace his fingers through hers on his face, leaning more into the touch. “I don’t want you to leave again” He shushed her before she could reply, “It’s hard to be around everyone, seeing them be so happy and knowing that no matter what I do I can’t be that happy because you’re not here. It’s so hard knowing that we have been two degrees of separation for five years and we got to spend two of them together. Every time I hear Magnus and Clary talking about how they know each other, I curse fate because we could have had two more years” 

“I know” Isabelle smiled sadly and withdrew her hand from his face, taking his with her and joining their free hands together, “but those two years we did get were perfect Simon. Sure it would have been nice for more time, but we were perfect.” She laughed, it wasn’t funny, not really but she laughed. “I’m happy for my brothers for finding that happiness Simon, I would never deny them what they have. If I have to wait until I finish college to come running back here to find something like they have, well knowing it’s waiting for me would make being away from everyone for so long that much easier”

Isabelle had felt a deep heartache after every phone call with her brothers, after every picture they sent her, after every text, but knowing that they were happy had killed that feeling, after the struggles her brothers had faced she knew that this was more than they deserved. Maybe it was that now she had to earn her own. 

“I tried dating you know” Simon said. She snapped out of her thoughts and gave Simon her full attention back with a raised eyebrow. “It did not go well. I tried it with Maureen and we just didn’t work, I tried though. Then there was a string of men that lasted no more than two weeks. I wracked my brains trying to figure out what it was that was going wrong. There was one common denominator”

“What?”

“You.” Isabelle’s breath caught. “Every time I was with them, in whatever way, I was thinking of you. Every time I so much as kissed someone I was sent right back to that first one at Niagara Falls. Eventually I just stopped trying, no one was ever going to compare to you Iz. I love you” 

She couldn’t reply, she couldn’t force the same words out of her mouth, saying them would feel so insignificant when she wanted to scream it from the rooftops, so she said “I know” and kissed Simon like it was the last autonomous action she would ever have. “I love you too, Simon” She said against his lips. He replied “I know”

Simon broke away first, laughing at what Izzy assumed was the same feeling of lightness she could feel. “Tell me we can try this. Tell me we’ll promise to always come back to each other no matter how far apart we may get. Tell me I can spend the years we have apart calling you my girlfriend. Please.”

“Yes. Of course it’s yes, Simon” Isabelle laughed and kissed him again. The sun beat down on her back as she scrambled to get closer to him, practically sitting on top of him despite the disgusted looking parents. 

“It’s gonna be hard” Simon said as they broke away, pressing their foreheads together. “But I don’t care as long as I can call you mine. We’ll always find our way back”

Izzy was inclined to agree with him. They had already done it once. The second time would be easier knowing where the way back was to.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on [tumblr](http://www.alecsangryface.tumblr.com) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/alecsangryface)
> 
> The song they talk about is called 'into the wild' by Lewis Watson. I would highly recommend listening to both the normal and acoustic version, they are incredible.


End file.
